Elon Musk VS Thomas Edison
What do Elon Musk and Thomas Edison have in common? Aside from a shared passion for disrupting industries...they both seem to have a thing for Tesla they didn't quite invent.
Tesla
- What do you call a person who steal Tesla?
- Thomas Edison
- Alternatively Elon musk
- Steal and Tesla are anagrams of each other.
Greetings
I call it "Greeting the chairman" instead of "masturbating" Either way, you're shaking hands with a dickhead.
Couldn't complain
I once met a man who had escaped from red China. I asked him what life was like under such a harsh regime.
He answered - "I couldn’t complain."
Sleep like a log
A man returned to his mansion in the Palisades only to find it reduced to ash by the wildfires There was nothing left but the chimney standing tall like a monument to excess. Devastated but with no other place to go because the Four Seasons was already fully booked, he decided to crawl into the remains of his luxury fireplace to sleep for the night.
The next morning, as the sun rose through the smoky haze, the mailman spotted the man stretching and yawning in the soot-covered ruins.
"Wow," said the mailman, "I’m impressed you managed to sleep in there at all, with everything going up in flames around you."
The man shrugged, adjusted his designer ash-stained pajamas, and replied, "Actually, I slept like a log."
Elon Musk divorce
Why did Elon Musk divorce his wife? He heard marriage is a union Because he has a thing for Xs
Why did Elon Musk move his companies to Texas?
Because he wants all his X’s in Texas
Elon good at hiring
Elon Musk's gaming stream proved that there is at least one thing he's very gifted at. He knows how to hire the right people.
I can't believe people actually thought Elon was one of top players in the world in a video game.
He knows how to immediately turn an employee's hard work into a loss.
Can't believe a guy who's lived a life like his would be so used to taking credit for the labor of people he pays, genuinely a shock to me.
On the house
How much did Walter White pay for pizza? Nothing, it's on the house.
Sleeping issues
My wife has sleeping issues. She wakes up at 2-3am every night and can’t go back to sleep. I told her to wake me up for sex when that happens…she suddenly doesn’t have a sleeping problem any more.
Silly wives
Three guys laugh at how silly their wives are Man number 1 says “My wife is so silly she bought a kitchen for £12,000 and she can’t even cook”
Man number two who’s laughing says “you think that’s bad? My Wife paid £40,000 for a car and she can’t even drive”
And the last man says
“Ha beat this, My wife brought 100 condoms for her business trip across the country and she doesn’t even have a penis”
Frisky
A deaf couple is having trouble communicating in bed after the lights go out. Because they can no longer sign to each other in the dark, it was difficult to convey when one was frisky and wanted some intimacy.
One day, the wife signs "I have an idea. After the lights are out, if you're in the mood, reach over and tug my breast once. If you're not in the mood, tug it twice."
The husband agrees, and says, "And if you're feeling frisky, reach over and tug my penis once. If you're not feeling frisky, reach over and tug it 50-60 times."
Wife call
A husband says to his wife, “Why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?” She replies, “I don’t like calling you when you’re at work.”
Doctor asks my wife “do you know what your asshole is doing when you have an orgasm?” To which she replied probably playing golf with some other assholes.
My wife calls me her sex machine all the time. Well technically she says "you're a fucking tool" but I get what she means.
Pain in the ass
I dated a French girl that insisted on pegging me with a baguette It was a huge pain in my ass
A man asked a prostitute to do this, but she told him he didn't have enough dough.
Motor Bike Accident
While riding my motorbike, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with the motorbike, I guess."
Rock Beats Scissors
Why is Dwayne Johnson the only man who can turn lesbians? Because Rock beats scissors
That makes sense on paper For sure... hand over fist
Elon Musk Nazi Salute
When Elon Musk did the nazi salute, the steering wheel on my Tesla has been acting weird It keeps pulling to the Reich.
My friend is Jewish and drives a Tesla. He said the autopilot kept taking him to the train station.
Elon Musk used gas elsewhere
Why does Tesla produce only electric cars?
Because the gas is being used elsewhere
Oh heil, i did nazi that one coming…..
There’s a new model coming out - model SS
There might be an SA model first, doomed to be taken down by the SS model.
Coming soon: the Tessla Model SS and the SStarship
I tried Auto Pilot in my Tesla in Germany. It went straight to Poland.
I don't get the outrage over Elon Musk's salute.
America couldn't get to the moon without a few nazis, why expect mars to be different?
Parachute
the plane is going down, the pilots bailed, it’s going to crash. there’s 4 of them and only 3 parachutes … tiger woods says “i’m the best golfer in the world, i think i should get a parachute.” everyone agrees, tiger woods takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. elon musk says “i’m the smartest man in the world, i think i should get a parachute.” everyone agrees, elon musk jumps out of the plane. the pope tells the college student “my son, take this last parachute and live a long happy life.” the college student says “we can both go. the smartest man just jumped out with my backpack.”
President Musk
Trump Is Reportedly Getting VERY Sick and Tired of All the 'President Musk' Jokes.
Musk is going to be the president of America. Trump is his puppet.
Putin is the president elect, Melon Husk is his puppet, and Don Sr is their pawn in a game they’re playing across many, many nations at the moment. This is going to be the craziest entries in the history books in 30 years. Worse than 2016-2022.