The Virgin's Choice
A lady dies young, having never had sex in her entire life. When she reaches the pearly gates, St. Peter greets her with great enthusiasm:
"You are most welcome here in Paradise, for you have died a virgin and lived a blameless life—your soul is pure! Here is your white robe. Please, come with me to the workshop, where we shall make you an Angel."
The Workshop of Horrors
She accompanies Peter to the first room, where she watches in horror as an angel uses a huge power drill to bore into the shoulder blades of a young child.
"What in God's name are you doing to her?!" the virgin screams.
St. Peter replies soothingly, "Do not be afraid, child—that is merely how we install your wings! Come along now."
They enter the next room, where she sees another angel drilling into the sides and top of a different child's head. Recoiling in terror, she buries her face in Peter’s robe, crying, "What are you DOING TO HIM NOW?!"
Peter answers cheerfully, "Do not worry—that is how we install your golden halo!"
A Surprising Decision
The virgin says, "Nope! No, no. Thanks anyway, but I’d rather go to Hell."
With sadness, Peter replies, "But... why, dearest one before God? If you choose Hell, you shall be tortured for eternity! Your soul and body shall be ravaged by demons into oblivion!"
She looks at him and says:
"Yeah, but I already have holes for that!"