Cooking and Cleaning Claims
"Because I cook better than you ever could," says the maid.
"Who told you that?" demands the lady.
"Your husband," says the maid.
"Also, I clean better than you ever could."
"Who told you that?" demands the lady.
"Your husband," says the maid.
The Final Revelation
"And also, I fuck better than you ever could."
"Did my husband say that too?" hisses the lady.
"No," says the maid, "the gardener did."
"...How big a raise did you have in mind?" says the lady.
The Penis' Raise Request
I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary for the following reasons:
- I do physical labor.
- I work at great depths.
- I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
- I work in a damp environment.
- I work in a dark workplace with poor ventilation.
- I work in high temperatures.
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Rejection
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering your arguments, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
- You do not work 8 hours straight.
- You fall asleep after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow management's orders.
- You leave your designated area, often visiting other locations.
- You lack initiative and require pressure or stimulation to start.
- You leave the workplace messy after your shift.
- You ignore safety regulations (e.g., proper protective clothing).
- You will retire well before age 65.
- You are unable to work double shifts.
- You exit before completing assigned tasks.
- You have been seen entering/exiting with two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
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