A factory worker boards a trolleybus in Moscow and sits beside a stern woman in a severe grey suit wearing a Party pin.
After a moment, he notices that despite her cold demeanor, she is strikingly beautiful. Drunk on vodka—and feeling reckless—he leans over and whispers, “Comrade, how about we go back to my communal apartment?”
The Moral Committee Officer
She turns crimson with rage, slaps him across the face, and hisses, “You hooligan! I am a senior officer of the Moral Committee! One more word and I will have you sent to the Gulag!”
The worker sits in terrified silence for the rest of the ride. When the woman disembarks, the trolleybus driver leans back and whispers to him:
“Comrade, listen. I know her file. She’s a fanatic. Every night she goes to Red Square to weep at the Mausoleum. If you dressed up as the Ghost of Lenin, you could command her to do anything for the good of the State. I’d have done it myself, but I’m currently under investigation for listening to jazz.”
The Lenin Impersonation
So the worker returns home, finds an old suit, glues on a goatee, and waits in the shadows of Red Square. Sure enough, the woman arrives. He leaps out and booms, “Comrade! It is I, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin! To prove your absolute loyalty to the Revolution, you must copulate with me right here on the cobblestones!”
The woman falls to her knees, trembling. “Oh, Comrade Lenin! I will do anything for the Party! But please… I insist we do it from behind so I do not look directly upon the face of the Leader. And I must keep my heavy winter coat and hat on, so no Western spies can identify me.”
They finish the act in the freezing cold. The worker tears off his fake beard and yells, “Ha! Surprise! I’m the drunk from the trolleybus!”
The KGB Reveal
The woman rips off her coat and hat and shouts, “Surprise! I’m the trolleybus driver! And I am Major Smirnov of the KGB! You are under arrest for sodomy and impersonating the Premier!”
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