This is my attempt at a classic—or at least I think it’s a classic. I know I’ve seen similar jokes before.
There once was a man born with a golden screw in his belly button. His family takes him to doctor after doctor. They run test after test, give him pill after pill. They even try to remove it surgically—but nothing works.
The man hates this life: trudging to endless appointments, facing the same result every time. Eventually, he becomes numb. Then one day, he wakes up, sick of it all. He gives up on doctors, medicines, surgeries—and seeks answers elsewhere.
First, religion—no priest can help. Then pseudoscience, witchcraft, mediums, oracles, the paranormal. Soon, he hits the same wall. No one has an answer for the golden screw.
Distraught, he wanders the streets, drinking his sorrows away.
Then, one day, he meets a monk. In a final desperate cry, he pleads for help. The monk looks upon him with love, lifts him from the ground, and takes him to his monastery.
The monk cares for him: food, clean clothes, a warm bed. The man is grateful—and admires the monk’s simple life: tending the garden, meditating, helping others. Seeing the monk’s happiness, he gives up his old life for monkhood.
Years pass. He meditates, gardens, serves. He is finally happy.
But he never forgets the golden screw.
One day, studying ancient texts, he finds a story about a golden screwdriver. His heart races. This is the answer.
He sets out on a journey: climbs mountains, crosses rivers, treks deserts, swims oceans. Now an old man with a long grey beard and wise eyes, he arrives at the resting place of the golden screwdriver.
Ancient ruins. Ornate carvings. Paintings. Every room overflows with:
- Purest gold jewelry
- Perfect jewels
- Finest silk robes
Untouched for centuries.
He enters a grand throne room—50-foot golden walls. A massive portrait of a king and queen, breathtaking in detail. The most beautiful people he’s ever seen. Tears fill his eyes.
Then—out of the corner of his eye—he sees it.
He shouts with joy, rushes to the golden screwdriver, picks it up—and it works! The screw turns for the first time in his life. He twists and twists…
The screw comes out.
His ass falls off.