A man walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, you’ve gotta help me. I’m being attacked by fruit. It won’t stop!”
The doctor looks up, frowning. “Fruit?”
“Yes. It’s crazy! Zucchinis hit me, watermelons knock me down, and tomatoes bother me nonstop. I’m chased by mean strawberries, rude raspberries, hard-hitting plums, staring oranges, and mugging mangoes. Lemons throw themselves at me, kiwis kick me, jujubes poke me, hawthorns seem to hate me, grapes gang up on me, and figs scare me. Elderberries embarrass me, dates seem to dislike me, cranberries team up against me, and bananas yell at me whenever they can.”
The doctor looks truly worried. “Jesus!”
“But… nothing—nothing—comes close to the abuse I get from apples. Every single day. They attack me. They jump at me when I’m not ready, flood my phone with messages threatening to peel my skin off, and even show up at my job, Doc. I don’t know what to do!”
The doctor leans back, thinking. “Well, young man, it sounds like you’ve got a very strange case of fruit attacking you for no clear reason. It must be awful.”
He picks up a pen, writes a note, and slides it across the desk. “But don’t worry, I’ve got a plan to help you.”
“Really?” the man asks.
The doctor nods. “The treatment is serious. You’ll need to see different doctors. You’ll have an appointment every day from now on.”
“Every day?” the man asks.
“Yes. After all, a doctor a day keeps the apples away.”
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